No better place.

 

Against the love, against the fight, against the sun, against the night, against the rules, against the force, against the wall, against it all. #lyrics

 

Yes, no better place to write a post for my personal blog than this place here, and this time right here. No phone, no plans, no intrusions – if only life could always be like this. I’m not at my home, I’m not in the office, I’m not partying my head off in a party that wasn’t made for me, there’s not a human in sight with whom I connect – hence I write; I write to let it out, I write to be, I write to exist – because it’s my right to exist. I’m not really sure how much or what you know about me, a lot of you out there are extremely happy and content living life by the default mode – doing what you are told, judging people, making walls instead of breaking them down, and basically being a fool submitting  to stupid rules. Anyway, before I get drifted away – here’s what’s been up with me off late, if you were wondering – just in case.

 

 

The first thing that I would like to mention here is that I have finally kicked the butt. It was a tough ride, living on a ransom dictated by the levels of nicotine and other 4000 chemicals in my body. The last post I made here had me showing some medicines in my hand (suffice to say that I was sick, though that would be a lie in the alternate context), I have had chronic cough for the past 3 months now, and medicines did not help – you know what did work? Will power. NEVER A DRAG AGAIN.

 

 

Everything looks good at the work front – there’s just so much scope for innovation here that the possibilities emerge while doing the most mundane of things – like brushing teeth, taking a walk (it’s actually been proven that we get the most creative ideas while doing ‘mindless’ things). The price I pay for that is that people call me MAD on a daily basis – maybe I am, but then…

 

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

~Jiddu Krishnamurti.

 

 

I cry – OK? Period. I have issues. I don’t want to talk about them (because I often don’t know what they are). In fact off late I’ve seen a strange pattern emerging – talking to people physically drains me out, it doesn’t matter what the conversation is and who is involved. I get a neck ache if I have to speak too much; so I listen, and with that, I have no problems. I will listen to all that you have to say with a well timed nod and an occasional revelation if I connect the dots in my head and find something worth mentioning. The rest of the time, just leave me alone if what I do does not directly bother you per se. And don’t freak out if I cry, I quite like it – it’s a sign that I lead a life full of compassion and understanding even thought it might never appear so on the surface – for I would never let it.

 

 

More on work – using new technology for research purposes, conducting small scale opinion surveys for my understanding, online collaboration, personality profiling, creation of training programs, social media, online branding, technology advice and troubleshooting – those are some of the things I do and am interested in. Funny incident – A producer of a fairly well known TV channel contacted me and asked me to tell him some things that I was interested in. I replied that the things that really fascinate me are – (1) The state of our society, (2) Animal activism and (3) Off beat humor, but there is nothing that attracts me more than music production and mixing. No response. I shot back asking if this was an opportunity, he replied it might be but ‘fun, HR and music’ is not what he had in mind. I replied – “These are the things that make me, me and you, well you”. I like my work, I’m too loyal to even consider options elsewhere.

 

 

I am totally in love with the younger generation – I mean, these kids are unbelievably smart and aware – even though a lot of them face the usual dilemmas that we all faced while growing up, the dualities of – good/evil, right/wrong, tradition/rebellion, fate/hard work… you get the drift, but they are just so open to things, as far as I can remember I spent a good part of my adolescent life like a vegetable – unaware, disinterested and rejecting of everything. I retain the last part till date, I believe the only true way of finding yourself is waging a war, waging a war on all set beliefs, on all institutions, on all establishments, on all schools of thought. But, a ‘peaceful war’ – oxymoron? Not really.

 

“We know, we know… what we wanna say and we don’t care – who’s listening, we don’t rebel to sell, it just suits us well, we’re the bright young things”

~Marilyn Manson.

 

Till later mon amis ☮ ♥ ♪

Love is… umm, convinience.

Besides being a convenience, love is a topic that a person like me should not talk about much, why? Simple… because I’ve never really loved anyone, what I thought was love were merely fleeting visualizations of a perfect future with the ‘one’, you know the entire white picket fences and the vanilla sky over the patio kind of a thing. Till death do us part kind of a thing. But then, reality grips you – wake up boy! They are not your type, they wouldn’t pay a thought to the perfect little dream world you have been creating all this while in your mind – what they want in not something everlasting or beautiful, what they want is convenience, the convenience of having someone by their side (for safety, money, control)  while they explore all the other wonders of the world, except the wonder of two people together in love.


And then you see the ‘one’ changing partner after partner with the effortless ease of a model changing dresses – a routine, nothing to stop and think about, all part of the game. One’s stupid little brain again rationalizes the entire scenario giving them the benefit of the doubt – “she’s not enjoying this either”, “she couldn’t possibly be happy with such a life”, “he’s not a good person, I’m sure she’s going out with him out of compulsion”, “she’s just lost, like me, that’s why we will be so good together”. And in that moment, you have started living in denial – girls just want to be happy they say, it doesn’t matter in who’s arms they find that happiness, and how many times those arms change in a short period of time… and one just stands there at the aisles, watching the show like it’s a twisted horror movie of human emotions gone wrong.


So what’s love then?

1. The one who stands at the corner and waits for a day when the dream will be realized with whoever is worthy enough for it…
2. Or the ones who chase love actively like an everlasting quest, one person at a time, like some kind of a robot who has to dismantle, taste and smell everything that moves before realizing it wasn’t love.

Mails that make you cringe.

Hey Moron!

How are you doing? Long time no see thankfully! First off, if you really believe they are going to send you 243$ for every third person who receives the forward… well then, you are a numb nut. What can I say?

 

There are clearly two possibilities

1. If it’s Microsoft doing this… shame on their part!
2. If it is not Microsoft, then, it is exactly what it says it’s not… fake and junk.

 

I have no idea which is worse, maybe your forwarding this crap like a moron is…

 

If my dad ever wrote an auto-biography, the cover would be:

According to me: Five best stand-up acts.

Louis CK: I just love this guy, he is positively insane without a shadow of doubt! He hates people, he’s sarcastic, his humor is self deprecating (although he does not leave other people either)… what’s not to like?

 

 

Jeff Dunham – OK, I know this is not really a stand-up act, it’s ventriloquism… but it is some of the funniest s*** I’ve ever seen. This clip is a particularly amazing one where he talks to this dead terrorist called Achmed. This DVD is called spark of insanity, a worthy buy.

 

 

Jerry Seinfeld – I thought the show Seinfeld was ‘OK’, and frankly didn’t get why people were so mad about Jerry, that is until I saw these. There are more episodes in this series in New York, all worthy of encores. Some parts are genuinely ‘WTF, ROFLMFAO’ kind of funny!

 

 

Kat Williams: Says about people who smoke weed – Happy, sleepy, hungry! That’s it!

 

 

Michael Loftus: I hope to order a DVD of this act soon, I can’t find it anywhere on the web! Anyhow, don’t miss the slow motion action he does at the end of the video, genius, to say the least!

 

A knock on the door – Chapter 1.

A knock on the door is at most times enough to pull one’s thoughts back to the present situation, but not today; not while Brian saw the shine dying in Susan’s eyes until it almost reached a vacant state, he felt like a part inside him had died in the same moment – it’s a peculiar feeling, not something that can be put into words. The sirens that seemed to be moving towards him had reached a peak volume and were now numbed by the utter and complete emptiness that engulfed him. Knock again, louder this time – “Mr. Kasey? Anybody home?”


Rewind to six months back, Brian Kasey at just 26, had managed to create for himself a mode of living that was the envy of even some board members at his organization – Cascade Designs. His sometimes larger than life personality defects were happily overlooked by most, simply because of the creative energy and freshness he brought to the table. He started off at the organization about 4 years ago doing odd jobs like printing, labeling envelopes and setting up the presentation room before the commencement of a meeting. During one such meeting, he was naïve enough to assume that it is acceptable for a ‘coffee boy’ to contribute to a discussion where a consensus could not be reached. Not that he lacked knowledge, but the sheer grit of discussing a subject like ‘the impact of technology on print design’ in front of 300 delegates raised more than one instances of a misplaced scoff.


“What was that all about?” the question had a very sharp tone to it and Brian looked absolutely stumped at being asked this. Across the table were the Lawson brothers who started the firm back in 1983, and had seen it grow from two working desks in a not so opulent apartment in downtown Manhattan to a sprawling state-of-the-art complex in upstate New York, which attracted the best minds from leading design schools in the country every year. Few people know how they managed to achieve this, what matters though, is that they did. In this capitalistic society of our ends justify the means, whatever the means might be. Brian was at a loss, he had absolutely no idea how he was supposed to respond or what the question was about.


As he stood there now, the door brought down in front of him by NYPD cops and his beloved fiancé on the floor… he could not help but notice how numb he felt, it surprised him that he was approaching this unfortunate moment with such calmness, for a second he wondered if he was in a state of shock because of the overwhelming grief of seeing the only person he ever loved dead with no idea of how it happened. But no, his mind was racing now – who, why, why us, why me? Another person who did not look the least bit surprised was Detective Sterg, not because he knew something that Brian did not, but because the nature of his job. “We got a call about a fire in this house; this does not look like a fire to me – what happened here?” Brian hated when he did not have the answers. He hated feeling sad. Hate is a strong emotion, an emotion that can wreck havoc on not just on one’s mind but also on body systems. The calm façade finally gave way to an almost childlike horror on the face and onset of breathlessness; a panic attack had hit him. Although he did have a history of emotional disorders but he had not had a panic attack for a very long time now, the vision blurred, constricted and then nothing. Emptiness.

Smoking is cool, but it also kills. D’OH!

Can't read that, can you? Didn't think so.

Go ahead, take a deep breath and hate me if you think that’s a wrong title for an article, go ahead and shout – “How could he say that smoking is cool?”. Well that’s what I was told, and guess what – the guy who told me that looked like the authority of cool with a capital C, with the eye piercings and the bad ass attitude – the “I want to be like him” guy. The proverbial grass is always greener on the other side they say, does that mean that that cool guy often wonders about how he’s traded his health and conscience for the cool factor?

Because even after three years of being a smoker, I have never ever told anyone “dude, check this out, smoking is the stuff”, because I know it’s not. In fact I feel sad when I hear someone say – “I should start smoking!”, or “I don’t want to miss out on it!”. You know what you’re missing out on? You’re missing out on bad breath, cough, a regular interruption in your life, and all the space in between where you’re either on a high nicotine crave or a headache, and lest I forget – a bundle of respiratory diseases all bundled into one neat and small package! Hey, they’ve even got in different shapes and sizes, and they’ve got the lights and the super lights and the super duper lights, right? What harm could they possibly do? Go ahead, one drag is pretty much all it takes, I bet you can’t wait.

There's your bonus package, hope you enjoy the incentives!

Why don’t you just leave?

Why do you linger in the ashes of my dreams? It died, it’s dead – everything died so I could be reborn again, and so I was until you had to appear out of nowhere again – and you know I couldn’t stop the search. You’re like a poison wrapped in a sweet smelling bottle of scent.

Are you as naive and innocent as you are in my mind? No you’re not.

It’s just an illusion I love to harbor – to be the one to save you. But we both damn well know you need no saving.

All I ask is for you to never have been manifested in front of me, is that such a big thing to ask for? I’m stuck up and I can’t let it go – so I’ll complain, I’ll fill my self with unexplainable rage, I’ll keep my teeth clenched one more time, I’ll run out of breath and I’ll have the panic attacks… not once, not twice but however many times it takes me to go so numb that it doesn’t matter anymore, so that either I’M NOT HERE ANYMORE or YOU DON’T MATTER ANYMORE.


PS I’m your fool, I’m really hoping for the former.

This I believe

Alright so this is not really that much of an original idea, in the sense that the ‘This I Believe (TIB)’ series was started by some hotshot author who’s name I don’t quite seem to remember – but here is my TIB list, hope he doesn’t sue me for this!

1. Karma exists, so think twice before you want to say that harsh word, or even think saying about that harsh word.
2. Life is a Sine Wave,  so f****** get used to it; I hope you know what a sine wave looks like – that’s what maths was for remember?
3. Connections don’t matter, love doesn’t matter – what matters is that interaction in that moment, the moment of truth.
4. Humor can sail you through anything, anything at all; sarcastic humor, cynical humor, friendly humor – any humor!
5. If you read or remember 20 years later something that you said back in time, you’d go “what a jackass I was”, actually make that 10 years, no make it 5, and months not years!
6. Choice is an illusion created between those with power and those without – OK, it’s a quote by the Merovingian from the Matrix, but did you remember it?
7. I’m not sure what goes here?!
8. This space is for advertisements, you know $$$, I just gotta find some effing sponsors, interested?
9. There is an Exaile party on Saturday, and it’s gonna be awesome with a capital A – Woohoo
10. I like you, yes you there!

Mr. Bitch – The Rogue Counsellor

A brilliant idea marred by bad execution, this is our first totally ad-hoc, un-scripted, un-cut try at making a series of funny podcasts about “Mr. Bitch”, who’s motto is life is that – ‘he doesn’t bloody care’ about anything at work or home!

Don’t be too harsh now because I forgot my dialogues (there weren’t any actually), but we’ll try and make the next one better (I’m thinking suits and confrence rooms!)